Blessings of Abundance

One thing I've struggled with that has surprised me: there are challenges that come with having your dreams come true. Publishing a novel is hard work, not just before you submit it, not just going over proofs. It's the worry that comes with marketing it... asking people to look at your book and pass links on to others. I'm no good at being beholden to people, and I hate selling myself. But that is what you do if you want to sell your book.

I just finished putting together a huge project; a book trailer. It involved several complicated steps/several learning curves, one after another. It also involved asking for help from family. I expected it to be a sort of drag for all of them... an annoying favor I was asking. I was happily surprised to find that everyone seemed to enjoy it. And were glad to participate. And are immensely proud of their part in what turned out to be something a little beyond ordinary when it comes to book trailers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLfvB_iXtYU

And yet. It's not perfect. And a niggling voice in my head tells me that if the trailer is not perfect, if the book isn't perfect, if I've missed a few awkward sentences or word echos in a paragraph, I'm going to fail. Which is ridiculous, right?

The thing about getting published is, you're getting PUBLISHED. Finally it comes down to whether people actually enjoy your writing and your story. I've got about nine people reading advance review copies right this very minute who will be reviewing my work on various websites, a few of them quite prominent with many readers. It's time to get right down to it: do I have something to offer that people want. And I think that this above everything else is filling me with nervous energy, making me want to leave every email I receive related to the book unopened, shove the projects aside into a dark corner and just sort of pull the covers over my head and wait until it's over. :)

Of course, I'm also having a baby next week. So that could be part of the overwhelming thing.

I get so excited some moments, and I think those moments/highs really tire me out. It's an odd experience. I'm used to slogging away, working hard, dealing with challenges... how do you deal with the challenge of abundance? Of blessings? How do you let go and thank God and be glad for the things that happen to you without waiting for it all to go away or somehow be minimized? I realize that this is an extremely ungrateful sort of tendency of mine. I'm working on it.

Maybe the thing is to pace myself. Make sure I'm balancing all aspects of my life against each other... even though it's crunch time for the book. Maybe that's one great thing about being a full-time mother and writer... instead of reflexively checking my email for the fiftieth time that day, I turn off the phone and go to the stove and make rice-and-broccoli-au-gratin and sit, grinning and watching my children eat and joke around the table.

I never thought motherhood would be my break! My bio says that I love my children and writing keeps me sane... well, I might could switch it right now. I love writing, and my children and husband are keeping me sane!