Insecurities

Man, I have felt a little crazy lately. My book's supposedly going to press in mid February (though I can't even imagine one of my books going to press... it all feels a little unreal) and I've gone over a first proof. I'm sort of gravitating to other Mormon writers I think in part because I know I need support. I have never done this before. There are moments (brief, fleeting) where I even wonder if I really want this.

Oh, but I do. Not because I want to be "published" but because I want people to read my story and love it.

Anyway, there are a lot of difficult sort of barriers (or maybe barriers is too strong a word... maybe it's more like membranes.) There are membranes when you're publishing for the first time, especially if you've kind of been a closeted writer for a while. Only recently have I gone around and tried to get to know people. I joined my first critique group two years ago.

One of those membranes is, how do you get people to review your book if you don't have any real, like, deep strong long-lasting connections with people yet? I have a hard time asking even my friends for favors.

Another is, my fear that my book will come out and nobody will say anything at all about it.

I don't know. I need to set aside these fears and just keep going.

I feel the least amount of worry when I'm actually writing. I'm working on another story right now--one that I love and identify with deeply, and when I'm at my keyboard, I feel like no matter what happens, I'm a writer anyway. So I shouldn't worry so much. Anyway, since very few people read this blog I'll probably post more on it over the next few weeks, mostly kind of a journal-type scenario. A documenting of new things. I'm the oldest in my family, so I'm used to being the guinea pig, the one who has to try stuff out first. I've got this.